CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET--A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET--A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING--The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO--The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER--What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR--Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST--Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT--When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER--A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION--The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO--What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS--What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR--Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT--An archaic word, no longer used.